possible reasons for stagnation in moving..

alright.. i don't remember if i wrote about this already but it's been frustrating me lately and i haven't got to see my therapist yet to get it off my chest. my cousin made a remark about how a parent can help their kid and the kid is ungrateful because she doesn't want to stay by her parent or something along those lines.. i haven't had children yet (in fact- i'm pretty sure i'm not going to because i don't wanna pass down generational trauma like which was passed down to me by my mom- SO THANKS MOM! YOU WON'T BE GETTING ANY GRANDCHILDREN FROM THIS VAGINA!). i KNOW my cousin would be pissed at her mom if she selfishly used her as a shield while her dad was kicking her. ESPECIALLY since it's caused TWO surgeries SO FAR in my life. i'm on the path to shitting in a colostomy bag because my mom is a selfish bum! don't even fuckin deny you wouldn't be mad at your mom either. i KNOW this shit happened because of the several nightmares i've had reminiscing my mom acting naive and holding me in front of her (i'm pretty sure she tried to make it look like she was telling my dad to calm down because I was there while my mom was selfishly using my body to block his kicks while holding me and i was too small to realize what was going on- so i couldn't scream at my parents to stop but i DID manage to get kicked instead of my selfish bum mom!) and also because i distinctly remember my grandma mentioning to the doctors when they asked me if my stomach/abdominal region had sustained any damage or trauma before they figured out i had a perforrated bowel and my grandma tried to cover my mom's shitty parenting by saying i might have got hit accidentally when my mom was holding me. you don't have your mommy to cover for you anymore because I'M NOT GOING FOR THAT SHIT. I REALIZE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR ABILITIES- LIKE TO READ FOR INSTANCE, BECAUSE I REMEMBER YOU ASKING ME SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THINGS I POSTED ON MY BLOG THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD KNOW UNLESS THEY READ MY BLOG. you're nothing but an entitled, selfish person who works WHEN SHE WANTS TO WORK. you're the shittiest mom because most parents want their kids to do better than them but NOT YOU! you've built up a competition with your own damn daughter. i'm not sure why you don't compete with amy.. it's probably because you know she'll kick your ass if you do. you don't compete with jay because he's your SON and you only pay attention to your daughters. people may think that i'm making this up but i remember when i was younger and whenever me, jay, and amy would get into a physical fight, you'd always take the girl's side.. i don't really remember fighting with my brother much though because we shared a lot of the same interests but i remember you ALWAYS favoring amy. which is also why i'm at a loss whenever amy would call me complaining about you because she didn't really have a reason to be mad at you- you've always favored her. i KNOW you would've NEVER used her body as a shield while her dad was kicking you (because her dad used to beat on you also i remember). i sat and thought about WHY exactly your boyfriends (you were married to the dad of jay and i though) used to beat on you. then i remember how you frustrate and make me mad a lot.. so i guess i can understand if the guy has a bad temper and doesn't know how to control his anger. if you weren't my mom- NO WAY would i want to deal with you because you're such a selfish person who tries to make it look like she's too disabled and/or slow to do things so she doesn't have to.. you know what those people are called? LAZY. i'm sick of biting my tongue for you when you clearly DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME. go tell someone who fucking cares because I DON'T. you're one of the reasons why amanda hasn't helped me move to another state (she figures she can use the excuse that you'll miss me too much if i LIVE MY OWN LIFE and she assumes it'll inconvenience her to help me move when my family (with exception to joe) doesn't help me with SHIT the way it is- they haven't since my grandma was alive and i'm sure that was just because my grandma always believed in having a SUPPORTIVE FAMILY which went in the ground with her when she died- she WAS afterall convinced amanda would ACTUALLY help me move to the east!.. so her great ol' neice is making her aunt look like a careless, naive, overconfident old lady.. NICE!). just because my mom is a bum- I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE ONE ALSO. i've tried EVERYTHING i can think of to actually get out there and work, so i don't make myself look like a HANDICAPPED, ENTITLED BUM (LIKE MY MOM). you should've helped me move before i got the opportunity to vent this shit. GOOD JOB! YOU GOT THIS! if you weren't selfish and entitled yourself (must run on my grandma's side of the family..?), you'd actually be assisting your cousin who needs advocacy because the public doesn't really work for the disabled unless they have advocacy. it explains why brian brought up me paying an advocate but my grandma foolishly was strung on my naive cousin amanda helping me. IF you were as smart as you try to make yourself look- YOU'D KNOW THAT!.. unless you DO know that and just don't care about me.. which could also be a possibility. YOUR AUNT WOULD BE PROUD! SHE'S BEEN DEAD FOR 11 YEARS IN AUGUST. I HOPE MY NEICES CARE ABOUT ME THIS MUCH!.. right. then they'll be over my knee for lying to me.